Jan. 18th, 2016 | 06:33 pm
okay about sunsets, fuck them. I mean conversations about sunsets are like conversations about nuggets, everybody loves them, but they make it sound like the conversation is so meaningful. I mean seriously "oh yes, that sunset was lovely" I can "fuck yeah, those nuggets were the best ever" now we can all just nod in agreement?
because those were the best nuggets ever! -NOT
Alright, so you're like this fuck dude shit face dog looking, guy working for a huge a company with a pretentious sense of humility in you. but then you hide all that pride in your name-card, and you live for moments where by you love to see the reaction of people when they see your title on your name-card, because you don't appear to be who you really are in relation to the status quo. I mean that's like evil and narcissistic, your wife and kids must be really happy.
okay so you're this erm, how do I say... big time fucking big time shit, who obviously enjoys reggaton music and what not, like hey bitch, it's so fucking cool just to speak in a fucking "foreign accent" even though you are local and stuff. I mean I get it okay? Reggaeton or whatever, dub has more soul than most forms of electronic music. Okay wait, so you are a drum n bass fan too? I mean if "soul in music" is an approximation of what good music is in general or what defines a cool person. I have really have no clue, because I prefer thrash metal and doom, because it speaks about addiction, religion war, serial killers, etc. - oh my god will people think I get my ideas from there? well no it's just art (what the fuck is art)
Now when it comes to the issue of art, I am a bit perplexed with other people's unawareness to what really constitutes and defines "art", the point is everything can constitute to art so to be frank I don't know what constitutes to real art. SO I don't like define it.
I mean I don't find chinese orchestra is any more artistic than the yearly chinese new year lion dance performances on the street, EVERYWHERE.
OKAY so like I read in an article that I am potentially abusable boyfriend. Well research has shown that honest people tend to curse and swear more. I prefer honesty over the 'icing of the cake" and like in the event that I suddenly.... well die. I want my eulogy to be a complete representation of me, NOT like some sugar-coated speech where I am glorified as being a good man. I want people to get totally shit-faced at my wedding....errrr I mean funeral.
And I still don't get the culture of drinking wine over meals because it goes with the taste. Food taste better when it's not tainted by another taste that is stuck in your mouth, PERIOD. It's just social conditioning of culture people have succumbed. Give a cave man some nice cooked COD anytime, he would definitely prefer it without the wine. Because, alcohol in general is quite bitter. Using pairing as an excuse also has, some illogical extents. I mean, why are people in England, pairing red wine for breakfast with mere bread and butter and some chick-peas, they bought from the supermarket? Personally macdonald's french fries taste great with ice cream. I also like to pair french fries with curry sauce and sambal with roti prata? Oh yes, beer goes very well with black pepper crab, but you know what? I still prefer black pepper crab without beer!
You know what! I miss blogging I mean I just felt like it yes fuck you too.
Feb. 1st, 2015 | 04:59 pm
things work out this way
if you could, would you forget
all the times that we spent
wasting away in our own liquid buffet
but yet the touch of your skin
the gaze of your eyes,
and your scent
makes me the man I no longer know
would you forgive me if i told you
i was once so lost and that.... but
i still lack purpose and direction
but i am no longer that negative son of a bastard
who cherished the self loathe and hate beyond reason
not that i was indulging in my own sympathy
but i can no longer see that boy inside of me
my mind is unproportionally blown
everytime you make up your mind
and every drastic change makes me unease
but with mixed emotion, some excitement
the intensity of emotions vary
it's like i always said, hey use your head
but you think with your heart
and emotions overwhelm you
I think I know the real you
but I only wish you understood you.
Nov. 13th, 2014 | 12:21 am
I miss you.
But I will never find the same solace writing to you as I did before. you've been with me since 2001, that's longer that most people I know who blog. I fear we probably have departed and no longer have the same relationship. It now feels kind of strange that, when I had something to complain about, or needed a listening ear, I turned to you before I turned to an actual person. It is also sad almost everyone on my friend's list has stopped blogging over the years. When I would finish a mixtape or finish a song, the first place I would post it, was here, not myspace or archive.org.
So just a little update.
I'm back in the same job during the 2010-2012 period. I got re-employed because they wanted me back, even though it was a pathetic raise and not what I had expected. I quit working in an events company and then entered a new job in 2013 but left shortly. I took a long break and spent some time in Australia with my uncle and aunt (last December). It was the most rewarding experience that entire year. I left that new job (2013) because it was crossing into my ethical boundaries. I did not feel good about myself nor the way I had to deal with and treat people.
At the moment, I have an other halve (obviously a girl) who has made me a happier person, in this epically mundane life. You know, every time I'm working, routines always kill my good mood. My sister just gave birth to another daughter recently in the UK. 2 of my good friends just got married not too long ago.
I am staying with my mother right now. I like it here, but I also like it at my grandma's. I love music a lot, but I'm starting to not like it now, if you know what I mean. I've been contemplating about a lot of things, but I suppose I have to accept what I am, and this life. And just stop complaining in general. At the age of 30, I am still an aging youth at heart, but I've been doing things in moderation ( as much as I like to believe) these days, not in excess.
I haven’t been reading much lately, but I still enjoy topics like new atheism, am still very much interested in new age spirituality, conspiracy theories, aliens and what not. I am still hooked onto documentaries. I still love gaming a lot, but my PS3 has been down, I just can’t be bothered to get it repaired; I think gaming is no longer an actual hobby.
And me, being the “extroverted introvert”, am pretty sick of the usual small talk people have. I like discussing interesting topics. The thought of meeting new people does not excite me so much as before. Or rather, very few people interest or intrigue me. I suppose the feeling is mutual in most cases. I am not quite the sociable creature as I once was, and I see no need to fit in.
Often loud noises and crowded places seem to drain the life out of me; maybe it’s a symptom of working in a job with extreme audio-visual stimuli/sensory overload. I remember how I used to just want to “cave in” at home during my days off, because talking to people just made me treasure alone time. But it’s different now. I’m having a lot of peace and quiet now typing this, and I love this.
Right now, I am dying for a proper JUMBO black pepper crab and a Kit-Kat white. I don't order macdonald's as much now, opting instead to have an early dinner during work (usually fried mee with egg and one other dish) that is, if I am not going out for dinner. I’ve also been drinking more wine lately but having fewer hangovers.
my eyes are closing, because I am tired.
Jan. 26th, 2014 | 01:14 am
I haven't travelled with a camera since 2009, and the last camera I had was some Sony 5 megapixel digi cam from my Ma... If you view my old foto-logs, you can tell that I don't have "that passion" (guess it doesn't matter) anymore.
Sep. 9th, 2013 | 01:48 am
the last 6 days, I've had a number of fascinating experiences.
I had four to five sessions on the Lucia Light Simulator. My dearest aunt and her dearest partner who are based in Perth, Australia have been traveling the world (Chiangmai, Hawaii, etc) since July to share this machine at a number of mind/body/spirit and psychedelic expos.
It has definitely open my mind and helped me emotionally and mentally. My physiological state has improved dramatically.
Even a senior neurosurgeon from a government hospital sat through 2 sessions has decided to buy the light simulator. He came over to my house twice for both session. The machine is not mine...
I've also under gone an over three hour hypnotherapy session which has seemed to have cleared my inner demons, on top of that I had a number of holographic kinetic mapping sessions.
I've never felt this good in ages, and the changes in me seem evident from other people's perspective.
I see no relevance in explaining my beliefs with regards to reincarnation, past life regression therapy and the metaphysical realm. However I will note that I still hold on to a mostly atheistic worldview, and am as skeptic as ever. However I cannot doubt the changes I've felt in the last week.
Jul. 21st, 2013 | 01:03 am
since not having a full time job since september of last year (2012)
There are no doubts what-so-ever that what I experience now will come handy in future. However, I am bothered that I might cross my own personal ethical boundaries, but it seems everyone I have to listen has their own opinions on what should and should not be said and done... with some "general expectation" of my performance, which is purely arbitrary in nature.
I have always believed in the words of the fictional character from Biloxi Blues
" Once you start compromising your thoughts, you're a candidate for mediocrity.'
- Arnold Epstein
Apr. 18th, 2013 | 02:27 am
soundtrack: sound city players - you can't fix this
So this was a birthday gift from a friend. it's a "piece of wood". The portrait resembles a photo I took in the UK in early Jan. On the flipside there's a very nice note written in ink. I love it a lot even though I feel it slightly misrepresents me on the whole. But yeah I told her this to me is worth more than if you were to buy me 5 bottles of Macallan at the bar which equates to about a thousand dollars, what I meant to tell her was that, "it's priceless"
Side note, I errrrr got another job offer, I am still waiting for my friends to update me. Well basically looks like I am doing sales again. I already got past 2 other job interviews and I can start work anytime. As for the latest offer I need to find out more before deciding. I may have to push work a month behind as I initially planned. I'm considering other possibilities.
To be honest, I've been sleeping in a lot, two days in a row I have awesome lucid dreams, most of them involving women I've had crushes on. The dreams can be so elating but I wake up feeling so sad. Maybe it is my subconscious mind prompting me to get attached and get a proper job.
I don't know if I'm rushing too fast, because a lot of the pressure and stress is self induced.
Mar. 24th, 2013 | 12:55 am
soundtrack: sasha - involv3r (disc 1)
So I should be in a new job by May, so far I have two options, I know I qualify for one as for the other I am getting a recommendation from a friend so I'm not sure what happens once I send my CV in and go for an interview.
However the pay for the second job appeals to me a lot because I can definitely live more comfortably despite having no weekends off.... and I could be paid slightly higher than the average salary of fresh graduates. After all, I only have a diploma of higher education.
I won't lie but I get very angst before entering a new job. Even though insofar I've been able to adjust to new environments quite comfortably. My concerns are whether or not I am up to the task; I get more paranoid as I grow older because I've now faced more challenges, and some I never seem to overcome.
So I had dinner with my family last evening, we had seafood. My brother in law and sis are in town with the 3 month year old baby, they are leaving for Sarawak tomorrow for 5 days and then coming back.
We're celebrating my niece's first spring in early April. My birthday is also next month and I don't know what I'm gonna plan.
On a side note,
I purchased Sasha's Involv3r on Itunes and I'm fucking loving to the max. This third in the series is definitely a departure from the original involver sound. It has a more a live/club mix, and doesn't leave you as light-headed. There is a lot of emphasis on analogue driven synths, most of the remixes sound like releases from the mid 90's to early 2000's which were made mostly on analogue synthesizers.
Not much to say but...
Sasha is a fucking genius.
Mar. 13th, 2013 | 11:07 pm